In A Couple With A Colombian brides
Many expatriates living in Colombia are in a relationship with a Colombian women. The stories are many and different. There are those who have met someone on a trip and made up their minds to settle there. Those who knew each other in Europe and after a few years together decide to try the adventure in Colombia. Or like me, arriving alone by allure of the country and then getting to know someone here. In the middle of it all, there are still a thousand other stories.
What can a European expect from dating a Colombian bride? Are there any differences? Is it easier or more difficult?
It’s impossible to give just one answer, it’s such a personal subject. In addition, some points are obviously not unique to Colombia, but of course universal.
Here are at least 3 points of view. This article is a testament to my experience and I encourage you to also read Doniphane's on his Colombianito blog and Victor's on his El Franchute blog.
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Dating a Colombian women
Let's clarify things right away, Colombians are not "easy girls". They are beautiful, take care of themselves, dress well and generally dance gracefully and elegantly. They are generally not prudish and timid on the subject of sexuality. Easy girls exist, but to think that all Colombians are, is a cliché.
A tourist may still have this impression. On vacation, spending all his time in a club, partying in Cartagena or Cali, he will attract these people. Some places are also known to bring together international customers. We will inevitably see more easy girls, looking for the one who will maintain them.
Another element that is often misunderstood by strangers is footing the bill by inviting a girl out. It’s normal for a man to pay, that doesn’t mean that he will automatically be “compensated” by spending the night with her. There must be only Europeans to agree to go out with a man and pay their share, or even the whole bill. Colombian women do not, surely one way to ensure that the man can support himself.
As a couple, this rule no longer applies. Many women work and therefore participate in household finances.
Living as a couple with a Colombian bride
Latin America may have very strong links with Western countries, a European language, a common religion, migratory movements in both directions, culture shock seems inevitable.
It's important to show the feelings. The passion Latin women show is alluring. But if it only goes one way, if it isn't fed back, it either dies or explodes with a crash.
For the Swiss that I am it is sometimes a problem. Explaining things calmly, making plans and promises calmly is frustrating for my girlfriend. This apparent "calm" is interpreted as an empty shell, words released to steal away from me, to put the situation to sleep.
The demonstration of feelings is important and reassuring in the couple. I have always found the celebratory photos of my Colombian friends to be exaggerated. The balloons, the rose petals, the cake, the same 20 photos hugging each other, giving each other long kisses. Too kitsch, too theatrical for me. However, in a society that hides a lot, has an impressive number of motels, public declarations of love make it possible to clearly mark the ground.
Jealousy is precisely a scourge, but it is not seen in the same way. For having already ended a relationship with a very jealous woman, I am very sensitive on this point. Every jealous remark from my girlfriend hurts me because I interpret her to be an untrustworthy person. Conversely, when I comment on her, she is satisfied. As it rarely happens from me, she receives it as an attention, a demonstration of fear of losing her, a lack of her presence.
A man and a woman
The role of each in the couple is generally well integrated. You will never hear a Colombian claim that she can open the door of the taxi or the restaurant on her own, that she doesn't need a man to do it for her. They will also expect their spouses to "take responsibility" by working, supporting themselves, providing physical and material security. For their part, they will rather ensure the organizational and emotional part of the household.
Colombian women are strong enough to raise children on their own, without looking for a man at any cost either. Only, as a couple, they will express their needs and necessities. They are not ashamed to admit that they need the other person in their life. What in Europe one would tend to characterize as a dangerous lack of independence. It is difficult to accept giving such "power" to another.
Women generally feel a need for recognition and recognition of efforts. While the man will spend 15 minutes getting ready for dinner, his wife will easily spend 1 hour. Beyond simple vanity, it is a care towards him, that of giving pride to having an elegant, beautiful woman. Not acknowledging this effort, not giving any compliments, is upsetting.
Another aspect that plays tricks on me is not immediately talking about things. Rather, I would tend to wait for the moment that I consider opportune. Sometimes even, I do not consider it necessary to raise it. Except, sometimes things just pile up and come out all at once.
My girlfriend, like all Colombians it seems to me, is speaking at the moment. Sometimes the timing is not right. Sometimes I'm just not in a position to receive his remarks, concerns, questions, comments, criticism. Sometimes it goes like a letter to the Post Office. Sometimes it's fixed in 2 seconds. Sometimes I get annoyed and throw away all the accumulated things.
In short, sometimes it's an emotional roller coaster.
When to stop
I find that there are a lot of Colombian women who are very jealous. From experience and around me, this is the main cause of separation. A touch of jealousy is inevitable and is easily resolved. But there are limits that should not be exceeded.
If your girlfriend feels that your friends are a bad influence, that she's trying to keep you from spending time alone with them, or that she doesn't appreciate your speaking your native language because she doesn't understand it: run away! !
At such a level of jealousy, there is no solution. You can never reassure her or calm her down. You either have to accept all of its conditions or put an end to it.
Why be with a Colombian woman?
Going out with a Colombian allows you to enjoy the good sides of the country. In a previous article (Reasons to choose Colombia to expatriate) I mentioned that Colombians live life to the fullest. They make every day worth it. Enjoying the beauties of life, having a good time, sharing moments with family and friends is essential. By being in a relationship with a Colombian girl one seeks precisely to benefit, to try new things, to open new horizons.
While Europe likes to freeze and smooth things over, Colombia likes to live without a safety net.